I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. What's happened to me. Why I've changed so much...but I feel so shitty..
I feel like I'm losing some of the most important people to me. Because everything anyone does these days just pisses me off for no reason. I've become a completely different person than who I was about a year ago..and I don't know why. I used to be so...chill, and laid back...like nothing anyone did or said ever bothered me...but now, I'm completely different. These days, it seems like I just hate everyone all the time. I'm always mad about something it seems. I've lost two of my best friends within the past year, and almost lost a third one, because of who I've become. I've lost a friend April, who I used to be so close to, because she kept taking all my friends away it seemed, and she just became a completely different person than she used to be. I lost my friend Jessica, basically, because I felt like she had changed herself too much just to try to hook up with an ex-boyfriend of mine. And it wasn't that I was jealous. I just don't think people should change themselves for that reason. And honestly, I shouldn't still be mad at her for that. I never hold grudges, but I can't seem to let this one go. And I don't understand why.
I almost lost my friend Justin because a girl he was dating broke up with him. Well, the week after they broke up, not even that, she was already trying to get back together with him, and get him to take her back. Well, she didn't, no, doesn't deserve him. She treats him like a pet, a puppet, and she's the master. And he doesn't deserve that, because he's such a great person. And, after long discussions about all the things that's wrong with her, and how she treated him, I thought he had finally realized he shouldn't be with her. But no. He took her back, even after everything we talked about, and that just set me off.
And I don't what the fuck is wrong with me. I just wanna be who I used to be. The girl that so many people thought was so nice. Because these days, I'm constantly bitching at someone, and I'm not half as nice as I used to be, except to a few select people. The worst thing is, I'm constantly yelling at my boyfriend. The one I love so much. My Richie. And I don't know why...I'm just so afraid that he's going to leave me because he doesn't love me anymore...because I'm not who I used to be...and I really don't want that to happen...
I'm so afraid. I don't wanna lose everyone. And I don't want everyone to hate me...
